Sometimes reality is so painful that we created our own alternate reality to escape the pain from reality. But no matter how hard you run from reality it never stops hunting you and one day you have to return back in fucking painful reality.
Love is having a strange pattern of messing with you whenever you feel stable and satisfied with life. Exactly at that time love come into your life and when it makes you vulnerable once again and it actually leaves you when you need it so badly that you can’t even think to survive without it.
Something like that happened to me long ago, but that didn’t stop influencing my life. It was February when our paths were separated. She got engaged to someone more stable and richer than me. But I can’t blame her for her parent’s decision.
Maybe I didn’t even deserve her. But my heart wasn’t even able to accept the fact that she is long gone. But somehow her condition was same. We went through hell from February and we also made an alternative reality. Where nothing happened and we both are still together. This started in November.
It was my birthday and she called at 12 in the midnight.
“Hey love, Happy birthday to you and may God bless you with happiness and joy. I am sending out the wishes to my favorite person who matters most in my life. I couldn’t be able to be with your whole life, but I wish you will get what you deserve one loving life partner.”
I didn’t expect her to call me and wish me after no contact for so long. Her wish matters to me very much, but there is her marriage also, which were fixed 2 months from my birthday. But at that moment, nothing matter rather than listening her once again like she was always there.
Then she invited me on my birthday and I went to meet her at the place where we use to meet every time. When I reach there she was standing there all black even more beautiful than before. I froze for a second and every memory of our time together went through like a train.
My eyes were wet and she approaches me.we hug each other and I didn’t want to let her go. She brings cake for me and we celebrated rest of my day with me. Somehow that made my day very special, maybe I will never celebrate again, but this one is enough for a lifetime. She feels the same way we both were perfect together.
I was very angry with her for leaving me and not giving me chance of fighting for my love. But still in that anger I was capable of loving her. Those emotions were making me miserable. I was feeling like sitting in the boat with a small hole and it was sinking slowly.
Birthday night we were on call whole night living those memories again and crying. Which once again brings us close. We forget our condition that it is not possible to be with each other again. But the relief of talking to each other was clouding our judgement.
We created an alternative reality where no one was between us and started meeting each other again and started talking a lot. The time was flying and then there is a musical night at our university and she invited me to be with her one last time.
What a strange world. our relationship started with the musical night and now it is going to be ended with a musical night. But I was lucky because not everyone got a chance to say goodbye. So it was basically our last meeting.
I went there in black suit ready for musical night. She was in a white dress like an angel and I was feeling special that night. Whenever she uses to be around me, I forgot everything. Her smiles make my problems go away. But who could have imagined one day her smile will be the biggest problem in my life.
I was totally black and she was white it looks like a beauty and beast couple. We entered into the musical and our chemistry was so good that no one ever able to understand that either we are in fucking relationship or not. Even people try to make us hate each other, but they drastically fail.
I hold her hand and went to the dance floor with her. Everyone was staring us that day, but we were focused on each other. There were unbreakable eye contact. whole night we were like that, but time was flying and night comes to an end.
I escorted her to her place we were silent and the next day she supposes to go for forever, but I was not thinking about anything really. We were on the way when she turns.
“My love , Promise me that you will never do anything to harm yourself. You will work hard and become successful that I will be proud of you one day. I will tell my kids about you with pride. So just don’t go dark and self-destructive like before that is the last thing I wanted from you”
That was sounded like goodbye, but I was still in denial mode so I keep hearing her and stay silent that night she asks me a lot of promises but I know it was not possible for me to not going dark or self-destructive.
She reaches her place and hugged me so tight that I would able to understand she didn’t want that night to finish. I think goodbyes always suck and there is no good way of separation. She was not ready and I was also not ready to let her go.
We even went through this process months ago still there was the spark between us and we know this time it will be forever and that hurts too much. That was the time when we left our alternative reality behind and accept what was happening.
She kissed me it was our last kiss and we separated. I went home and from the moment of leaving her behind I can feel the darkness growing inside me. I never actually accepted the reality, just stuck in the loop of memories in between reality and alternate reality.
I lock myself in the room and started drinking because it was so hard to be sober at that time, so whole night I was drinking unaware of whether I am going to wake up in the next morning or not . I hope not to wake up again to live another day with miserable pain.