The story didn’t end there where I was expecting it tuned. I survived through the night to see the next morning. Maybe God wasn’t done playing with me. He was still having a few interesting plans for me. I stayed that way for a couple of weeks and still wake up every single day to live my fucking miserable life. The darkness and evilness were growing within me and started taking over my actions. I was no more in control the rage were acting on my behalf. But as I live, all the hard night I started feeling there is something left to do.

But first I have to be myself so taking control means I have to let that rage come out, but publicly it’s not good to do so I started professional boxing and I was pretty good in-ring the rage and darkness were channelling inside the ring so I started improving. Because of anger I was winning every fight I got into. But the thing is I was even enjoying hitting someone. So in very short time I became the starfighter of my university. This reputation brings fame within it. So I was famous and now people started noticing me, but I don’t give a damn about anyone.

When everything was stable and I was again on my feet people started finding ways to mess me up again. But no one knows how much I was still broken and messed up from inside. Still, there no second in my life I didn’t miss her even when I was in-ring she is with me there helping me to survive. Somehow she became my anchor in this darkness, who lead me to survive.

One day was sitting in the cafeteria drinking my coffee in peace suddenly my destruction walk in her name was Arushi and she was from the physiotherapy department of my university. She started a conversation with me. First, I don’t like talking to her, but she was so cute to ignore. So I indulge myself in conversation with her and she was showing lots of interest in knowing me. Somehow I too feel that maybe it is my chance to move forward in life. I made lots of mistakes in life, but this one was bigger than the others.

So we started meeting more and she started making me feel normal and not broken after so long I was with someone finally talking and enjoying my days. Most of them I use to talk about my ex-girlfriend, so somehow she started hating her. After that I stop talking about her much, but she was still in my head. After a couple of weeks, I started feeling that I really like her around me. My darkness was fading.

Finally, there was the date night at the university festival when I confess her about my feeling and now I don’t want to lose her too.

“I will never leave you alone again, my love. You can trust me, but I am very bad at expressing feeling and I need time to confess how I feel about you” she said

“You can take your time, but only confess when you really mean it. I am a patient man and I can wait for you. No matter how long it takes you to feel.” I replied

We started dating each other unofficially and then people started coming to me who really cares about me to warn about her. Everyone seems pretty against her. But people has never mattered to me and I confront her about everything people were warning me about and she every time have a satisfactory explanation to make me trust her.

We started going to date outside of university and we started spending nights together travelling and drinking. I don’t know how but I come pretty close to her and she seems to be still confused, but finally one day at the night out she was sitting next to me in the car and whisper in my ear.

“Hey, I love you so much. You are always here with me and whenever I need you. You really never abandoned me. In my whole life everyone abandoned me so, that’s why I was scared of commitment. But now I am sure that I love you so much and I will also never going to abandon you.”

After listening to that I was so happy and I kissed her. I started feeling the happiness after so long, so we had a hell of party whole night which we both will never forget.

But then her two friends with wrong intentions started interfering with our relationship and I was never known for anger control. I called her

“Listen, baby, you should make your friend understand that I am not good with my anger. So it is better for them to stay away from my life and my relationship otherwise they are going to regret it for the rest of their life.”

After that I started noticing that she is not having the feeling like I having for her. She started ignoring me and taking her friend’s side more even knowing that they are wrong. I can be very patient, but not when someone tries to come close my girl. In that case I can be very aggressive.

But I was controlling myself because they were her friends. We are out few days after and that was the last day of the semester she was going home so we went clubbing to enjoy the last day of the semester. We had lots of drinks. Then we went into my place. She was too close and we were too drunk. So we started kissing each other, but this time we didn’t stop there. The whole night, we love each other. It was actually pretty memorable night.

The next day I drop her to the airport and she went home. So now we were in the long-distance relationship and we were even talking less because she was something going on with two of her asshole friends. So we started fighting over them. But she always shut me with the I love you and I was trying to save this dying relationship because I was afraid of being alone in that darkness again.

But everything comes to end one day so finally, after a small fight, she started confessing her true feelings.

“Hey, listen this is getting messy and I really don’t want to leave my friend they matter more than and I tried to love you but I never actually did. I was believing maybe one day I will start loving you, but it never actually happens. So I am so sorry, but we cannot continue this relationship.


“If you never love me why you confessed in the first place that you love me and you will never abandon me. I never force you to say all those words. Why don’t you forget I told you to say those words only when you mean it?” I replied

“I was trying hard to feel about you and liked your company, but now your anger for my friends are doing things differently and now I cannot be with you anymore. So, never try to contact me, I don’t want to see your face again.” She said

“Hey, my love, don’t you worry about me contacting you. After today, you never ever existed for me. I will never show my face or talk to you, we die for each other today and it’s better you to also never come in front of me. Make sure your asshole friends never cross path with me again.” I replied

After she left her friend was trying to mess with me and I make sure that he will remember his whole life that he messes with the wrong man. She reacts to that and calls me to abuse, but as I am a man of my word I never ever take her call or seen her since we were done with each other.

It takes some time to understand how she uses my emotionally unstable condition to manipulate me in thinking that she loves me and broke me even more. She used me for her enjoyment need. She uses me Whenever she needs to travel, drink or she needs money. Actually, it was her plan from the very beginning to use my pain and emotions against me.

This time I was not down like last time something was changed inside me this time. Darkness was no more part of me now I was the darkness. After long time I return to the ring and this time my aggression was out of control and every time I was in-ring my opponent look like her friends and I fight to kill them.

In that I fix my life’s biggest and hardest fight with the opponent who is no match with me. He was a professional boxer and famous for killing its opponents in-ring. My university didn’t approve that fight so I fix it outside of my university. Press was calling it the suicide match and I am having a death wish.

The match was started and he started beating me. Even she was there with her friends and one was in her arms and laughing at me. I was so angry that I took the wrong decision and let my guard down punch him. But he uses that against me and punches me very hard. Everyone can hear the sound of cracking something. Suddenly I fall and there is very where black. Suddenly, out of black my anchor come to hold my hand and bring me to another side. But I don’t think this time she was helping me survive but opposite.

I can feel the voices fading into darkness and I was so ready to go now……!    


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