It was so dark that I couldn’t even able to move and I was stuck there for some time. The worst thing is I don’t remember coming here. I remember her holding my hand for letting me pass another side, but she was not there that was some kind of illusion. Suddenly, somehow, by some miracle, I open my eye and there are few doctors treating me. I overheard them from distance talking about me finally coming back to senses. I was in some kind of medical facility, but not like a hospital.

“Where the hell am I and who the fuck are you?” I asked with all the energy I have

“Hey, so finally you are up. You are in the medical research facility operated by your university for the treatment from the last two months.” The person replied who looks like a doctor

“Are you fucking high. I just passed out in my boxing match moments ago. Why you are lying to me” I asked him

It took 1 hour to make me understand that I was in a coma for 2 months and not responding to any medication given by the hospital so my university transfers me to their medical research facility to treat me in a more advanced environment.

I was a kid actually when my parents abandoned me they left me to rot. But somehow I survive and still surviving. But that day something died inside me when they told me there are not single visitors during my coma period. That disappoints me most because over the time after my parents abandoned me, I started trusting other people that maybe they will not abandon me like my parents.

I discharge from that medical facility in one month fully recovered and I spend my next three months resting in my place. Those were the longest three months of my life and even without single human attraction. Now I wanted to survive and show other humans how it felt to be left alone. Now I promise myself to be a new person.

Finally, I went back university because it’s only them who didn’t abandon me and help me survive this so I owe them my life. It was time to repay my debt to them. So I started my boxing, but this time I was so focused that my opponent started ending up in hospital. Now I was fighting like its do or die situation. But I don’t care my university was happy with my performance that’s only matters and its been long when I last felt any emotions. I just locked all my emotions deep inside.

 One day I was sitting in the café that’s the place where I was spending most of the time. There was one girl who daily comes at the same time and sits in the same place to stare my entire time. But I never responded back and stayed away from distractions. But that day she comes and sits at my table.

“Are you blind or something I kept checking you out and showing your interest dude and you are showing me attitude,” she asked me in a very arrogant way

“GO TO HELL” I replied and walk out of café

But then the thought comes maybe this is the one chance which I was waiting for the payback. If she is approaching me. Why not I do same what everyone did to me. So planned to play it fucking nice and be like everyone around me. The Next day I went café she was again there at my table.

“Hey, my apologies for yesterday it was just a bad day so I miss behaved. I hope you didn’t mind.” I asked her

“It’s okay sometimes it happens, especially if it’s you. I know what you go through and how you survive everything. I just respect your spirit of survival. No matter how many problems were there to break you. You never stop fighting.” She replied with a smile

I was kept talking to her and even she was buying my crap of still being the good person that was the first date and that ended with purposing me to be part of her life and I just wanted to hurt other people that I accepted her offer and we started dating each other. Things keep going smoothly with all the love crap and fake promises.

I just wanted that play to be ending soon, but for hurting her she had to fall for me properly then only I can end hurting her properly. Then we went on a trip to a nearby hill station for the weekend and I wanted that weekend to be memorable. Because beautiful memories hurt the most. I never realized how fucked up that sound and what an asshole I was at that time.

We were at the hotel where I had planned a surprise candle night dinner at the rooftop. We reach there and when she saw that she was too happy and hugged me. I was rooftop with a tent and dinner table with lots of candles and flowers. The whole roof was covered with candles. It was so beautiful. We had our dinner and then we went inside our tent.

I had lots of fun that in all those intimacies and in screwing each other that was really memorable night. The way she was sleeping in my arms indicate that how much she had fallen for me. So I decided this is the time to end this and first time I could to abandon someone. So we went home after that day.

On Monday when I called her to meet me at university. She was in a red dress with a smile and I had felt that I will be going to enjoy this ruining her happiness.

“Listen the thing is I was trying to be with you and be the person you want me to be from long time. But this is not working I am not this person and I am done trying to be someone else. I think, so we are not made for each other” I told her with the fake sadness like I mean it

“Why are you doing this with me. I don’t have a problem with who you are. I love you no matter whosoever you are and we are made for each other. ” She replied with tears in her eyes.

“No, we are not made for each other. I am done goodbye, never try to contact me again. Let us not make a scene out of it,” I told her wit attitude now.

I walk out of there while she was crying, sitting there and I was not feeling even a single emotion that time it is like those emotions are gone for forever. I actually enjoyed dumping someone rather than being dumped and I felt I should do this more often to feel happy.

I went to my focus mode in boxing and stayed like that for a month. But one day the police come to see me at university.

“Hey, you have to come with us to police station there is a case filed against you in our station.” The police officer said

“What are my charges and do you have the warrant for arresting me,” I asked them

They just grab me and bring me to the police station, but because of my boxing reputation. I was very important asset for the university. They sent a lawyer for my bail at the same time.

This time my lawyer asked the police for the charges against me because they don’t care about human rights. They deny my right to information and abduct me without showing me a warrant. But they were afraid of lawyers. So finally they started talking.

“This asshole here manipulated an innocent girl and take advantage of her and after using her he just dumps her to die. She finally died because of a drug overdose, but luckily left behind the diary where she wrote everything he did to her.” A Police officer said

My lawyer proves that all the evidence against me was not substantial and not enough to prove me guilty in court and I walk freely out of court. But somehow I know what I did and what I became after that. No matter what happens next, but I was the reason she died and I have to live with it the rest of my life. Maybe I was the reason she is no more in this world and I cost some serious pain to her and her parents. But the good thing about locking your emotions is you don’t feel a thing, not even regret.

The First thing I did after the charges are dropped is filling charges those police officers for harassing, assaulting and arresting without a warrant.

I was thinking I have seen enough, but see now I am killer too, and still, don’t know what is next coming for me.


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